


Conversations

by Origami_Roses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spiderman - Fandom, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Conversations, Implied Bullying, No Smut, Other, mildly salacious, slurs and insults (are not okay!)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27353830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Origami_Roses/pseuds/Origami_Roses
Summary: Conversations between various characters. Usually short, probably unconnected to each other and currently unconnected with any larger story in my head. Additional fandoms/ characters will be tagged as they come up, crossovers may or may not happen.Just a brief note on anime-based characters: I watch most anime in Japanese and sometimes have a very hard time finding their voices in English... so the characters might not feel quite right to those who watch in English. ^^;If one of these inspires you to a longer story, you have my express permission to use it. Just please drop me a line so I can see the wonder you come up with! ^_^  Thanks!
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

FRIDAY and Tony Stark

_Boss, analysis of recent events indicates that all requirements for Protocol: Salt the Ashes have been met. Shall I initiate action against Steven Rogers, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, Samuel Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, and James Barnes?_

"No. Not right now, at least."

_May I ask why, Boss?_

"In memory of what I thought we had, I suppose. And I'm just so tired of cleaning up everything. I'm willing to live and let live. They don't bother me, I won't go after them. I've got other things to focus on right now that deserve more of my attention."

_And if they're not willing to do the same, Boss? What then?_

"Then we will burn them where they stand and salt the ashes. Remove Barnes from the list, though. I don't know him enough to have any degree of trust, so he didn't actually betray me. Hurt me, yes, but that's not quite enough for Salting the Ashes"

_Ok, Boss. Should I keep him on the list for Protocol: Harlem Fan?_

"Yeah. I doubt he'll be anywhere but with his bestest bud, but keep track of him."

*************

Loki and ???

"Aren't you the God of Lies? I'd think honesty a bit outside your purported skillset." 

"Not really. It's just that 'God of Inconvenient and Uncomfortable Truths No One Wants to Hear' is such a mouthful." 

"... I really wish I could tell whether you're telling the truth right now." 

_*chuckles darkly_ "Even if its a truth you don't want to hear? It's far easier to hate and blame a 'Liar', after all, which is why the real liars labeled me as one. Easier to hide their own lies if everyone believed I was the one lying. Easier to avoid punishment with such a convenient scapegoat whose every word in his own defense would be brushed aside. People prefer their comfortable lies to harsh truths. Why should you be any different?"

*************

Tony and Yinsen 

"They want you to build them a Jericho." 

"... okay." 

(later) 

"What were you thinking!? Do you know what they will do with your weapons? What they have already done?! WHY would you just agree?" 

"Chill, Doc. Think about it. Play out the options, here: I refuse, they kill me. I refuse, they torture me to death. I refuse, they torture me until I agree. Not many options, there, so I just decided to skip the torture part and agree. And before you get too upset, Doc, take a second to _think_. Yes, I'll build a weapon... but to whom, exactly, do you think I'll give the trigger?"


	2. Chapter 2

Tony and Bruce (MCU)

"Thanks for the tea, Tony, but I'm still not doing it. I know you're interested in running tests on the Other Guy an- "

"Hey! I am NOT doing the Evil Scientist schtick here! I am not at all interested in running tests on the Big Guy. I am very much interested in having him help me run tests on the durability of different alloys for my next round of armor upgrades. Totally different thing!"

"Yeah, yeah... lab assistant, not lab rat. Got the memo the first time. Still not smashing your lab." 

"But Bru~~cie~~ " 

*************

Victor and Yakov (YURI!! on Ice - post cannon)

"Victor! Your year coaching has made you soft."

"Aw~ don't worry, Yakov. I am still a fierce competitor. I won't let coaching Yuri get in the way of my own training."

"Soft in the head as well as in the gut, then! Look at that belly!"

"...but Yuri's mom makes the best katsudon~"

"You will have borsht and water, and run three kilometers each morning! We will not even begin to work until you are back in shape!"

*************

Tony and JARVIS (MCU)

"What sass, J! I swear I didn't program that sass. I'm going to have to do something drastic!"

_Oh, dear. Which threat will it be this time, Sir, the DMV or the Community College?_

"... I'll give you a French accent."

 _quelle horreur, monsieur._ (what horror, Sir.)

*Tony dies laughing*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief note on Yuri: as mentioned above, I watch most anime in Japanese and have a hard time finding the characters' voices in English... I still hope the irony of this particular conversation comes through.


	3. Chapter 3

JJ's fiance and Sara Crispino (Yuri!!! On Ice)

"ne, can I ask a question?" 

"ok." 

"It's a deceptively simple question, but not really. You don't need to answer it to me - or anyone else - but you should at least answer it to yourself." 

"ok....?" 

"It's maybe rude of me to ask, but... uh... Look, you're going to marry a celebrity. Everyone knows JJ, so everyone knows you, too... as 'JJ's girlfriend'. My question is: Who are you when his spotlight isn't on you? I mean, who are you're on your own?  
"It's just that, well, my brother and I both compete, you know, and ... well, living in each others' spotlights got to be a problem. Are you your own person, or does your role as 'JJ's girlfriend' kinda define you? Because, speaking from experience, you kinda really need to be your own person without him, is all I'm saying. You don't need to tell me the answer, but... well... answer it for yourself, at least." 

*************

Tony and Bruce (MCU)

"What did Thor want to talk to you about, Tony? He seemed unusually serious today."

"Loki, of course. Apparently he thinks Loki might be interested in me." 

"Well, you guys do have that whole antagonistically confrontational flirty thing going on. I can see how he could get confused." 

"Pffft. So what? Loki and I have been doing that for ages. This is just the first time Sparky has managed to not fry his comm long enough to hear it, or something." 

"And...?" 

"And I suspect Loki's 'bag-of-wet-cats' crazy isn't all on him." 

"Oh?" 

"hmmm... This is mostly inference, since Thor definitely didn't say this in so many words, but I'm like 99.99% certain Asgard is extremely homophobic. So... Thor was warning me that _*gasp*_ I might be considered attractive by his unspeakably perverse not-a-brother. There was a fair bit of hemming and hawing and talking in circles, but that's the Cliff Notes version. Among other things, he referred to Loki as _argr_. The way he used it, it's slur of some sort - worse than 'fag' or 'nauncy-boy', by my guess, and I'm betting Thor was exercising his limited ability to be diplomatic to its utmost, here. Reading between the lines, it's something closer to 'irredeemably gay and therefore deserves to be raped'." 

"Say what?" 

Yeah... So. Apparently, Odin All-Daddy tried multiple times to 'fix' Loki and failed utterly. I get the impression that his methods make Earth-based gay conversion camps look like a pat on the head, blow a kiss and wish them luck. I mean, have you ever even glanced at Norse mythology, Brucie? If there's even a lick of truth behind any of them, I totally get why Loki's all sorts of messed up."

"Issues stemming from extreme, systematic abuse and long term PTSD?" 

"At least. Probably more. Possibly worse. Sad to say, I can kinda get where he's coming from." 

"Sad to say, I can, too. So... what now?" 

"What we've been doing. Fight him when he shows up, and banter with him while doing so. I totally get wanting to burn the world down while at the same time just wanting someone to talk to. We'll just try to prevent the first while providing the second."

*************

Tony and Sam (MCU)

"C'mon, Stark. Please just talk to Steve. He just wants to put this whole mess in the past." 

"No, Wilson. I've already put it in the past. This is me moving forward. Leave me alone." 

"I'm serious, man. He's always wanting to talk to you. He's like, desperate to get back in your good graces. Just give him a chance." 

"I think you are seriously misreading Captain Asshole, Wilson. Trust me when I say he's really not. What he _wants_ is for _me_ to be desperately trying to get back in _his_ 'good graces', and I can't fathom why I would possibly want to." 

"What? Why would you think that?" 

"Tell me, Wilson. What, _exactly_ is he wanting to talk with me about? 'coz I'm betting good money every last item on his list is something he wants me to do for him. Or for one of you - same difference, really. That's not him wanting to get in my good books, Wilson. That's him wanting me around to use and abuse, just like before. And, as I said, I've left that in the past. Where it belongs."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... these are a trifle ... salacious. Nothing explicit, but if you have sex-related issues... read with care?

Tony and Rhodey (MCU)

"Hey, Tones!"

*growls*

"Aw... have you not had your third cup of coffee, yet? Or is it just that you're missing your favorite teddy bear already? Blue balls bothering you?"

"Shut up, Rhodey. Of course I am, and being in this room doesn't help."

"Oh? ...Had a lot of fun in here?"

"Christened every single horizontal surface and a fair percentage of the vertical ones"

"Liar."

"???!? Am NOT!! How dare you accuse me of such calumny??"

"I'll bet you. I'll name three horizontal surfaces in this room. If you've done the dirty on all of them, I pay you $100. If one's clean, its $50. If two are, you pay me $50, and if they're all virgin, you pay me $100."

"Deal! Hope you brought your wallet, Platypus, 'coz that's a bet you're going to lose."

*smirks* "The floating shelves on that wall."

"Cheater! Those are like three inches wide!"

"uh-uh-uh, Tones. It's a horizontal surface. Business 101~"

*sigh* "Damn it. 'Look for the loopholes BEFORE you sign the contract'."

*looks smug*

"Fine, but the other two have to be big enough to hold a human body."

"So that's one! I'm so disappointed - your snuggle-muffin has only been gone, what? five days? and you've already gone soft in the head."

"It's been over a week!"

"...and you replaced this couch three days ago after Thor broke the previous one, so... number two is this couch!"

*grinds teeth* "Damn you."

"Aaaaaaand now for number three:"

"Ain't gonna happen"

"The ceiling!"

"What!?"

"It's horizontal and definitely big enough to hold a human body, Tones."

*************

Michelle Jones, Flash Thompson, and ??? (Spiderman {Field Trip Trope})

'What the hell, Parker? Who did you have to suck off to get them to pretend to know you?" 

"Why, Flash, is that a note of Jealousy I hear in your voice?" 

"What? No!" 

"It _is_ , isn't it! Jealous of what, exactly, I wonder? That Peter's telling the truth about his internship and knows the Avengers, or that you wish you were in the position you're accusing him of?" 

"Back off, Jones." 

"Hmmm. 'Me thinks the lady doth protest too much', Flash." 

"Shut the hell up or I'll- " 

"What's going on over here?" 

"Flash was accusing the Avengers of statutory rape." 

*sputters* "I was NOT!" 

"Just because you didn't use the word 'statutory' nor 'rape' doesn't change the fact that it's _exactly_ what you were saying, Flash." 

*************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. This is about as close as I get to writing smut, so enjoy the rarity. It's not terribly likely to be repeated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bang, Marry, Kill - MCU edition...

Natasha Romanov  
"You do know why I was given the name Black Widow? Much like the spider, my default is bang then kill. Unlike my arachnid namesake, I prefer to hunt down those who make a successful run for it."

Spiderman  
"That's not a fair question! First of all, I'm ace, so... 'bang' is automatically... yechh... out. 'Marry', pretty much the same. I mean really. And my whole thing is like, non-lethal detainment so there goes 'kill', too."

Tony Stark  
"What part of 'playboy' do you not understand? Do you really need to ask?"

Clint Barton  
"I'm already married, and I'm a sniper. What do you think?"

Bruce Banner  
"I'm more the 'make love not war' type, but the big guy... uh, pretty much the opposite, and ... well, things could get really messy if he decided to show up, so ... yeah, let's just forget you asked."

Deadpool  
"Depends on who hired me. ...oh, and whether the boxes agree, 'cause yellow doesn't really swing that way."

Thor  
"I shall regale you with tales of the mighty enemies I have laid low, for I am the Prince of Asgard! None shall defeat me and fair maidens swoon at my deeds of valor."

Steve Rogers  
*blushes once he realizes 'bang' is slang for 'fuck'... and then mumbles "Language." before leaving the room*

Loki  
*Laughs maniacally* "Whichever would cause the most trouble, I suppose. But killing is always an option."

Jessica Jones  
*takes a swig of whiskey* "Fuck it. Kill them all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of the characters are perhaps a bit OOC, but it's been ages since I've watched most of the movies and I've read enough fanfic that I've probably re-interpreted them into a mix of canon and fanon. Sorry. Sort of. but not really...

**Author's Note:**

> Again, if one of these inspires you to a longer story, you have my express permission to use it. Just please drop me a line so I can see the wonder you come up with! ^_^ Thanks!


End file.
